Brain Detours

I feel like the universe knew I was going to need those AirPods bad today. I’ve been having a hard time with overstimulation this week and was right on the verge of a meltdown earlier. I had to leave the house, sit in a parking lot for a good minute, and just breathe. When I finally went into the store to grab a few things, every noise hit me at once: footsteps, sighs, the hum of the air conditioner, even the lights. It all felt like too much. So I put on some brown noise and

Awhile back I couldn’t find my left AirPod. One thing about me is that my headphones are like a lifeline. They’re how I move through the world on days where existing feels heavier. They give me a bit of cushion from the noise, a way to keep going even when I’m just at home. When I couldn’t find it, I ordered a cheap twenty-dollar pair to hold me over. I really hoped the brand wouldn’t matter. Wrong. Turns out, I can’t deviate from the AirPod. Anyway, the mystery was solved wh

I’m pretty frustrated with my sleep this week. I’ve been having to take Klonopin to fall asleep most nights, and then I struggle to wake up in the morning. The nights I’ve tried to tough it out (because I don’t like consistently taking this med without breaks), I either can’t fall asleep at all or, like tonight, I sleep for two hours and then I’m wide awake. My sleep is consistently filled with nightmares. I think that’s part of the problem, but I’m not fully sure. Sometimes

Lately I keep finding myself circling around the same thoughts, not searching for answers, just sitting in the wondering. How two people can drift and still feel near. How some connections hum quietly, even when no one’s talking. Maybe it’s care. Maybe it’s curiosity. Maybe it’s something softer that doesn’t need to be named. And sometimes I wonder what it is that lingers between people, if it reaches both of us or just echoes in me.

You ever wonder how much of your healing is concrete and how much is just a medicated state? I was asked recently if I still experience flashbacks outside of therapy, and honestly I don’t, not like I used to. Not even close. But I’ve also been in therapy for a decent amount of time now, and I’ve developed an understanding of what’s actually going on versus what I used to think was my fault. That shift changed my entire relationship with flashbacks. (Shoutout to my first thera

I keep circling back to this conflict in my mind. Part of me feels like the lesson right now is about tact . About learning how to soften the way I approach situations so it doesn’t land like an attack, but more like curiosity. And yet another part of me gets angry when I think that, because isn’t that the whole point of therapy? To learn how to do better? To learn how to approach things differently? That’s where the confusion sets in. Where exactly is the line? The line betw

I was reflecting today and realized that for people who don’t know me …and even for some who do, my strong emotions might make them feel uneasy, or worry that I can’t handle the waves I experience. I just want to reassure anyone who might feel that way: I’ve been living with this depth of emotion for most of my life. It can be intense, but it’s not new to me. I’ve learned how to navigate it, how to let it move through me, and how to take care of myself in the process. Even wh

I just discovered Vietnamese canned coffee. And canned draft lattes. It’s over for me. They’re too good. Like… how did no one warn me? That sweet, creamy, slightly dangerous kind of good. I keep telling myself, “just one more,” but now I’m basically a walking espresso bean with opinions. All I know is I’m hooked, and I regret nothing. A Liquid I.V. cancels it out, right?