Poems

Closing eyes Within the mind There are several doors Doors that stay shut Doors that stay cracked Doors that are concealed From the world Inside one Is a little boy Terrified Of monsters Fearful Of hands that curl He can run From room to room Asking for help But his voice is low The others don’t hear Until he starts to beg His begging Can get tumultuous His pleading Can get impetuous That’s when chaos ensues For he slams the doors And pounds on the walls Until the others come

Floating Is all I can manage In this moment Drifting so far away From myself that I can’t connect Thoughts blurry And out of sight Feelings muted Empty Hollow Meaningless This is how we keep going When it all feels Too heavy Too much Too painful We close the doors We hide We stay away So he can survive

Longing Feeling like air Is being pulled from My body Chest expanded And arched Toward the ceiling Like control Does not belong To the body It belongs to The energy Of the universe The air Traveling, circling, Searching For a place To land Only we know That longing exists most When landings Don’t

There’s a kind of relief In day dreams Of endings Silence falling Darkness consuming consciousness No weight No pain No worry Just a simple kind of nothing

Blink He’s here Blink He’s gone Blink Blink Blink The world has shifted His view has changed He can no longer see the same Blinking Shifting Not knowing your own memory Blinking Turning My heart is burning Burning trying to get through the day Burning trying to find a new way To remember To start To not tear things apart To know this perspective is here but know a new one is near What will stay? What will go away? How do I stay connected to me? How do I keep remembering how t

I hate the arbitration of rules that aren’t solely arbitrary. I struggle with the grief that fills the back of my throat and makes it sting. Tears welling up in my eyes as I try to find the words to put to the feelings swelling inside of me. I can feel the cool tears sliding down my cheek and dropping onto my shirt. Missing you comes with shame, shame for the way I feel, shame for the way I still hurt this far from saying goodbye. There’s something beautiful about loving beyo

I Still Miss You Most of All In moments like these, I cry. I grieve. Your absence from my life— memories of our laughter, surrounded by plants. Love pressed into the corners of my heart. You once gave me what I needed most: space to talk, a place to cry, a shoulder to lean on, a place to try. Try to learn better. Try to grow. Try to hold these memories close. My heart aches, and the tears fall. I still miss you most of all. Author’s Note: I wrote this poem many months ago, bu