The Line Between Learning and What I Should Already Know

I keep circling back to this conflict in my mind.

Part of me feels like the lesson right now is about tact . About learning how to soften the way I approach situations so it doesn’t land like an attack, but more like curiosity.

And yet another part of me gets angry when I think that,

because isn’t that the whole point of therapy?

To learn how to do better?

To learn how to approach things differently?

That’s where the confusion sets in.

Where exactly is the line?

The line between what I’m supposed to still be learning

and what I should already know by now.

Because sometimes it feels like the world expects you to have mastered lessons

you’re still in the middle of trying to understand.

And when you’re doing the work, actually showing up, reflecting,

trying to shift how you respond,

it can feel unfair to be told that you should have known better. And not so much that those words were used on me, but that it’s the feeling the words used evoked within me.

Maybe the truth is that learning doesn’t have a clean edge.

Maybe there’s no exact point where what we’re learning

suddenly becomes what we should have known.

Maybe it’s all the same process:

the falling short,

the awareness that follows,

and the trying again with more intention than before.

Author’s Note

Sometimes I wonder if the line even matters.

Maybe I’m just tired of feeling like I’m behind on lessons

I didn’t even know I was supposed to be learning.