Between Chemistry and Healing

You ever wonder how much of your healing is concrete and how much is just a medicated state?

I was asked recently if I still experience flashbacks outside of therapy, and honestly I don’t, not like I used to. Not even close. But I’ve also been in therapy for a decent amount of time now, and I’ve developed an understanding of what’s actually going on versus what I used to think was my fault.

That shift changed my entire relationship with flashbacks.

(Shoutout to my first therapist for that one.)

Still, I find myself wondering sometimes…

if I weren’t on medication, would I still be this steady? Would I still have this space between me and the chaos?

I’m not about to stop taking them just to find out***no experiments here***but the question lingers.

Because if it is medication-induced, does that mean I haven’t come as far as I thought?

That maybe what feels like progress is just chemistry doing the heavy lifting?

Sometimes I even catch myself thinking I’m not struggling with mental illness anymore. And then a flare-up hits, and I’m like…..oh, you’re still here? Well, shit.

Just some thoughts I’ve been twirling around my head lately.