Sunday

Woke up early this morning. Went to donate plasma. It’s helped me cue in—at least intellectually—to some of my body’s patterns. Like how when I feel mentally stable like this, my heart rate is always high. Resting somewhere between 100–114. Odd.

Anyway, halfway through the donation, my nightmare from last night hit me. I’ll be honest: I’ve had nightmares my whole life, but this was by far the most violating one I’ve ever experienced. I’m not really sure how to feel about it. I’m not very connected to my emotions right now, but I know there was some level of disgust when the recall came back. I might talk about it in therapy if I feel myself ruminating on it too much, but hopefully it just passes.

And then…because timing’s funny like that, I get home and see another trans guy on Facebook talking about trans men who identify as lesbians. Saying they should “just remain women.” A lot of hateful stuff.

He used the same argument cis people use against trans people in general: that logically, you can’t change the label, blah blah blah. But identity isn’t simple. It’s complex. And who the fuck is anyone else to decide what someone should or shouldn’t label themselves as?

What if they don’t feel comfortable using the word “straight” but haven’t found the word “queer” yet? What if that’s a label they’ve used their whole life, and they don’t want to feel the grief of mourning it? What if they just fucking want to?

Let people live their lives.

If someone uses a trans man identifying as a lesbian to invalidate your identity as a trans man, they were looking for things to invalidate you in the first place. They’re the problem. Not the other trans guy.

Author’s Note:

Conversations about identity inside our own communities can get messy and painful, especially when we see the same logic used against us turned inward. I try to remind myself that everyone’s experience of gender and language carries its own history and grief. It’s okay if we don’t all fit neatly into definitions. What matters is that we lead with empathy instead of judgment.