Riding the Flood

The good news is that after an intense episode of emotions, I’m usually back to my baseline pretty quickly. The not-so-good news is that when they hit, they hit hard.

I don’t know if that’s just how I process emotions or if it’s because I’m so good at ignoring them until they flood me. You’d think I’d be good at processing with how often I feel things… but baby, they’re all floods, and I’m just on a little boogie board trying to stay afloat.

When my therapist (god, that still sounds weird to say) asked me about goals yesterday, my brain was functioning on a single cell and had absolutely nothing to offer. But I think maybe trying to understand why I experience emotions the way I do could be a good start.

Even if nothing about it changes, I think understanding it might help me navigate it better. Maybe I’m not “too emotional.” Maybe my emotions just build quietly until they don’t have anywhere else to go. Maybe the floods are just my body saying, “hey, you’ve been holding too much for too long.”

And maybe the quick return to baseline after it all isn’t a bad thing either. Maybe it’s just my system’s way of resetting once it’s finally had the space to let go.

I think that’s where my work is right now…not trying to stop the waves, but learning to notice when the water’s starting to rise.