I Wish I Could Rewind Time

I just finished re-reading my post “I’m Sorry,” and now I’m sitting here crying.

A part of me desperately wishes I could rewind time.

And another part of me knows I had to learn these lessons the way I did:

in some shape, some form, some sequence I never would’ve chosen but somehow still needed.

And I got to learn them with the most kind-hearted, tender person I have ever met.

I am grateful for that.

For growing alongside her.

For experiencing a level of care that reshaped me.

For knowing what it feels like to be held with that kind of gentleness, even if only for a chapter.

I’m encompassed with grief because of how much she mattered, and still matters, to me.

How much my experience with her matters.

How much my love, respect, and appreciation still exist in me, unchanged, even now.

I hope that someday all of this…

the love, the ache, the gratitude, the grief…

can transform into something that still lives inside me,

but doesn’t hurt as sharply when I touch it.

Something I can carry throughout my life,

not as an open wound,

but as a quiet reminder of who I became because someone cared that deeply.