Feeling My Body Again

I was reflecting on how far I’ve come in being able to feel and name sensations in my body. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I have access to every day, but from where I started, I’m definitely at a completely different level.

Anyway, as I was reflecting, remembering how much shame I had around trying to feel my body made me want to talk about it, to normalize the feelings that can come up when you’re not used to feeling your body.

At the beginning, I couldn’t feel anything really, and when I’d try to, any little thing I did feel was very fleeting. Mix that in with this excessive worry that I was doing it wrong or feeling the wrong things and it was a MESS. My therapist was so patient with me. If she got frustrated, she never once made it seem that way, and it kind of brings tears to my eyes when I think about how patient she was with me.

I started to talk about my experience with somatic experiencing, but that was with my second therapist, and I can’t seem to talk about that without going down a whole different lane of thinking… so I’ll just briefly say that somatic experiencing was helpful. I’d recommend the modality to anyone struggling with feeling their body.

I just want to say, if you’re just starting out, or if you’re years in and you feel like you’re doing it wrong, there is no wrong way to feel what comes up. If it disappears just as fast as you feel it, it’s not all in your head. It’s happening. Your body needs time to feel safe enough to experience sensations for longer than a second. Be patient and gentle with yourself.