Tug of War

I don’t want to show up tomorrow.

And I do.

It feels like each part of me is gripping the valves on opposite sides of my heart, pulling until something gives.

Another part just wants to take a spear and drive it through the center so the pain stops—metaphorically, of course.

There’s so much chaos inside me right now that I can’t tell what I feel anymore. All I know is that therapy doesn’t feel like a place of healing right now, and that terrifies me.

So I guess scared is the feeling after all.

Author’s Note:

All imagery in this piece is symbolic. The “spear” represents emotional overwhelm…wanting relief from inner chaos. This writing is meant to capture the intensity of internal conflict, not to be taken literally.