Let It Live

I thought about deleting my last few posts. The ones written in the thick of emotion. Most of my writing happens there, in that space where feelings are sharp and words come fast.

Anger, for me, feels shameful. It always has. Feeling it makes me question whether I’m a good person. I’ve told myself that good people don’t get angry, don’t let it spill out.

But I think I’m going to try something different.I’m letting those posts live here. Maybe if I keep them, I can learn that my anger can have space too. Maybe this is a step into that because if a part of me didn’t think my anger could have space I would have just deleted the posts.

I feel embarrassed. That’s why I’m writing this, to name what comes after the anger passes.

The truth is, I’m not sure how I feel about her anymore. I don’t think I even know what hate really is, not in any lasting way. What I feel is intensity when the truth hits me. When I replay what happened and it still hurts.

But beyond how she treated me, I don’t know who she is. That’s the view I write from.