Drowning in the After

I don’t know how to deal with the emotions flooding me right now.

The panic.

The fear.

The way it feels like I just want to disappear.

Like I just want to stop existing for a while because it’s all too much.

How am I supposed to get through therapy if this is how I feel after each time?

Lost.

Alone.

Scared.

Worried that I’ll let someone in just to be hurt again.

Worried that I’ll get attached in time.

Because I don’t want to.

I don’t want to feel attached. I don’t want to believe that someone can treat me with care. Because that means I’ll have hope.

And hope always ends up hurting.

Right now it feels like I’m suffocating on my own breath…like I can’t get enough air no matter how hard I try.