Whiplash

I’m writing this just to give you a picture into how it can feel like whiplash inside of me a lot of the time. As intense as my feelings were just a few minutes ago, I now feel calm and like everything is going to be okay. It can definitely get exhausting getting pulled in and out of the intensity of things. When I read some of my writings back, like the one before this one, it’s hard to even recognize myself in the writing. It doesn’t feel like me.

And honestly I can get a bit embarrassed that I wrote something so… bleak. So devoured by one point in time where someone did something messed up… but life goes on. Ya know? Like just keep moving, Christian. Not everything has to be so monumentally life altering.

Authors Note:

As I reread that last sentence I feel anger bubble up. Because I know I don’t get to choose how something affects me and I’m just angry that someone who claims to want to help people could pick such a harmful way to handle a situation. . . Genuinely. Idk why I keep asking myself the same questions over and over. I logically know I’ll never have answers. I need to move on. I just don’t know how to.