What Sleep Brings Back

I had a dream about my second therapist last night. I don’t know why, but whenever I dream about her, she’s always a teacher. Usually, I’m a student in her class, and she’s really angry with me and won’t talk to me. The not talking to me part makes sense, given everything that happened.

I just wish I wouldn’t dream about it, because it wakes up a deep grief that I don’t really feel unless I have dreams like this, or something reminds me of the work I did with her, or I start feeling shame about the things I said.

I’m struggling today. It’s hard to sit with my mistakes and the very real consequences they had. It’s hard to metabolize not being able to repair things, while also understanding and respecting why that’s not possible.

My dreams have been tormenting me lately. Not just about this, but also about my childhood. They’ve been hard to wake up from.

I’m hoping the day gets better than it is right now.