Losing Partnership, Holding Love

I don’t really have words for what I’m navigating right now. My brain feels foggy and far away, and everything feels a little unreal. But the biggest thing sitting on me is the loss of a 14-year relationship. Fourteen years. It’s hard to even wrap my head around that.

I keep drifting in and out of myself. One minute I’m “fine,” and the next I feel like I’m floating outside my body watching my life collapse from a distance. I don’t have answers. I don’t even have a clean narrative. I just have this heaviness that sits in my chest and makes everything feel off.

The weirdest part is how empty I feel. You’d think after that much time I’d have a flood of thoughts or memories or something. But I don’t. It’s more like my system just shut down because it doesn’t know how to process something this big. Maybe that’s normal, maybe it’s not. I don’t really know.

All I can say right now is that losing a relationship that lasted 14 years hits in a way I wasn’t prepared for. It feels like trying to stand on ground that’s still shifting underneath me. I feel confused. I feel tired. I feel like I’m here, but not fully here.

Maybe I’ll have more words later. Maybe more clarity. But today, all I have is the reality that this is happening, and it hurts in a way that’s hard to look at directly. So I’m just taking it one moment at a time, hoping eventually the words will show up when I’m ready for them.

All I know is I love her and it hurts even if it’s what is best for both of us.