Resources: Choosing a Therapist That’s a Good Fit
Why Fit Matters
Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. Two therapists can be equally qualified and still feel wildly different to sit across from. Feeling safe, respected, and understood matters just as much as credentials.
If something feels off, that doesn’t mean therapy “isn’t working” or that you’re doing it wrong—it often just means the fit isn’t right.
Before You Reach Out:
Getting Clear on What You Want
You don’t need perfect clarity, but it can help to reflect on a few things:
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What made you seek therapy now?
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Do you prefer structure or open-ended conversation?
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Do you want someone more directive, or more reflective?
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Are there identities or lived experiences that feel important for your therapist to understand?
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Have you had past therapy experiences that worked—or didn’t?
You don’t need to have polished answers. Vague is okay.
Questions You’re Allowed to Ask (Yes, Really)
You are interviewing them too. Some examples:
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“What’s your approach to therapy?”
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“How do you handle feedback if something isn’t working for a client?”
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“What does termination usually look like in your practice?”
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“How do you work with trauma / attachment / neurodivergence / identity issues?”
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“What post-graduate trainings or certifications have you completed for the modalities you use?”
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“How do you typically apply those modalities in practice?”
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“What boundaries do you have in place to keep the therapeutic relationship safe and clear for both of us?”
A therapist doesn’t need to say the perfect thing—but they should respond with openness, not defensiveness.
Red Flags (Trust Yourself Here)
Some things that may be worth paying attention to:
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You feel dismissed, rushed, or talked over
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Your discomfort is framed as resistance or pathology without curiosity
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Boundaries are unclear—or rigid without explanation
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You feel afraid to ask questions or express confusion
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Feedback is met with defensiveness instead of discussion
Discomfort can be part of growth. Feeling unsafe or minimized is not.
Green Flags (Often Subtle, But Real)
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They explain things in a way that makes sense to you
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They welcome questions and feedback
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They can admit uncertainty or mistakes
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You feel respected, even when challenged
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They hold boundaries and compassion at the same time
Sometimes the green flag is simply: you can breathe in the room.
If You’re Not Sure Yet
It’s okay to:
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Take a few sessions to decide
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Ask for clarification instead of silently wondering
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Leave without having a concrete reason
Bringing Things Into the Room
Part of therapy is talking about what happens in therapy.
That can include:
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Feeling misunderstood
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Feeling hesitant, guarded, or unsure
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Wondering if something you said didn't land
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Not knowing how to name what feels off
You don’t need to have the “right” words. Noticing and naming uncertainty is already part of the work.
A therapist’s response to this kind of honesty can tell you a lot about fit.
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